Enmeshment (at least when I was in school) had been recognized as a big issue in eating disorders like anorexia or bulimia. Eating disorders often stem from other dysfunctional family dynamics that give rise to body issues or control issues on food.
While I, myself, don't suffer from an eating disorder, I've come to understand some of the facets of it with my own struggles of growing up 1st/2nd generation Asian American. Enmeshment describes the phenomena when two or more people in a relationship are overly involved and intertwined with each other so much so that it's difficult to separate their identities from one another.
In my life and in many of my Asian American peers' lives, enmeshment is felt in the parent/child relationship. Our parents are overly involved in our lives. Our victories of getting good grades, going to a great college are as much their victories as they are ours. It speaks to what a great job they have done as parents. But our failures become their failures as well. It speaks to how they haven't done a good job and what they must do to fix it (i.e. hire more tutors, punish the child by making him/her study more, etc.). It is this dynamic, I believe, that leads to the undercurrent of guilt and shame that is prevalent in the culture.
Below is a great article about enmeshment that best describes how it works. It's a difficult concept to explain, but this article does such a great job of describing it I thought I share it with you.
How to Identify Enmeshment in Your Relationships with Teens and What To Do | eHow.com
Friday, January 1, 2010
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