Enmeshment (at least when I was in school) had been recognized as a big issue in eating disorders like anorexia or bulimia. Eating disorders often stem from other dysfunctional family dynamics that give rise to body issues or control issues on food.
While I, myself, don't suffer from an eating disorder, I've come to understand some of the facets of it with my own struggles of growing up 1st/2nd generation Asian American. Enmeshment describes the phenomena when two or more people in a relationship are overly involved and intertwined with each other so much so that it's difficult to separate their identities from one another.
In my life and in many of my Asian American peers' lives, enmeshment is felt in the parent/child relationship. Our parents are overly involved in our lives. Our victories of getting good grades, going to a great college are as much their victories as they are ours. It speaks to what a great job they have done as parents. But our failures become their failures as well. It speaks to how they haven't done a good job and what they must do to fix it (i.e. hire more tutors, punish the child by making him/her study more, etc.). It is this dynamic, I believe, that leads to the undercurrent of guilt and shame that is prevalent in the culture.
Below is a great article about enmeshment that best describes how it works. It's a difficult concept to explain, but this article does such a great job of describing it I thought I share it with you.
How to Identify Enmeshment in Your Relationships with Teens and What To Do | eHow.com
Friday, January 1, 2010
Thursday, December 31, 2009
The role of the therapist
In September, I started seeing a new psychiatrist that specializes in CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). I was unsure of what CBT could bring, or even if I wanted to see a new therapist.
Therapists, in general, are nice people. They have an abundance of patience and hear some of our most deepest and darkest secrets. They provide a different perspective and sympathy that we aren't getting from other people in our lives.
But, like any other doctor, there are professional boundaries that need to be maintained. The scope of the relationship should never enter into the romantic atmosphere or the "friend" territory. There are ethical ramifications for this and entangling in a romance with a patient can lead to a therapist losing his or her license. And, unlike a typical friend/boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, we pay for their services.
On that note, the concept of whether or not I "liked" my therapists has evaded me. I've always taken the medical model perspective to a therapist/client relationship - we go to see them when we have a problem, and we pay for their services to help "fix" it. And I almost always don't "click" with my therapist right away. I stay with him/her because I believe down the road he/she will help me in some shape or form.
But after doing talk therapy for several years and not seeing it bear fruit, I was ready for a change and have been delighted by some of the results.
Upon meeting my new psychiatrist, I immediately "clicked" with her. I felt an immediate connection, a genuine-ness from her. At the end of the day, I guess I feel like she really cares about me. It's not that I believe that the other therapists I have seen didn't care about me, but I have never "clicked" or "liked" a therapist that instantly before. She seems genuinely nice, not just polite. I wish I could describe it better, but I can't.
Anyways, I've been seeing her the past few months. While I can't say concretely describe how I'm doing better, I do feel like I am doing better (which is what I guess matters at the end of the day).
Therapists, in general, are nice people. They have an abundance of patience and hear some of our most deepest and darkest secrets. They provide a different perspective and sympathy that we aren't getting from other people in our lives.
But, like any other doctor, there are professional boundaries that need to be maintained. The scope of the relationship should never enter into the romantic atmosphere or the "friend" territory. There are ethical ramifications for this and entangling in a romance with a patient can lead to a therapist losing his or her license. And, unlike a typical friend/boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, we pay for their services.
On that note, the concept of whether or not I "liked" my therapists has evaded me. I've always taken the medical model perspective to a therapist/client relationship - we go to see them when we have a problem, and we pay for their services to help "fix" it. And I almost always don't "click" with my therapist right away. I stay with him/her because I believe down the road he/she will help me in some shape or form.
But after doing talk therapy for several years and not seeing it bear fruit, I was ready for a change and have been delighted by some of the results.
Upon meeting my new psychiatrist, I immediately "clicked" with her. I felt an immediate connection, a genuine-ness from her. At the end of the day, I guess I feel like she really cares about me. It's not that I believe that the other therapists I have seen didn't care about me, but I have never "clicked" or "liked" a therapist that instantly before. She seems genuinely nice, not just polite. I wish I could describe it better, but I can't.
Anyways, I've been seeing her the past few months. While I can't say concretely describe how I'm doing better, I do feel like I am doing better (which is what I guess matters at the end of the day).
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Mental Health & Media
I guess my previous post got deleted since the last time I blogged at the end of February. Since then, I have begun a volunteer/intern position with the Entertainment Industries Council (EIC). There main focus is using to the media to bring awareness of the mental health and substance abuse issues.
One of the big things that I have been working on with them is the 2009 Prism Awards, their award show that awards various film features and television shows for their accurate portrayal of mental health, substance abuse, and treatment.
I watched part of last year's when I was in their office yesterday, and suffice it to say, it was very difficult for me to watch. The hardest clip to watch was when Tony Soprano's son decides to commit suicide by wrapping a plastic bag around his head and throwing himself into the pool with a brick holding him down. In the end, he calls his dad for help and is sent to psych ward at a hospital. In dealing with my own depression, I definitely have had suicidal thoughts. It was frightening to see a suicide played out in front of me. I felt uncomfortable with it for so many different reasons. Thoughts like "I know what it's like to feel that way," and "Is this giving me any ideas," ran through my head. I think that was hardest to watch about the whole thing was how much I can identify with what was playing out.
Depression is more than just feeling down in the dumps. Depression can really turn into a lifestyle without anyone actually knowing it. It becomes a part of you, affects your perspective, and ultimately changes how you see the "truth." It's really an insidious disease, that probably goes unreported most of the time.
I think any addiction boils down to depression and anxiety. I was definitely sad to hear from someone who worked at last years Prism Awards, joke about a famous celebrity's wife that has a very severe case of OCD. He laughed about how she was unable to go to the bathroom on a twelve hour flight on the airplane. While he laughed and I can totally see how it can be comical, all I could think about was how that totally interfered with her relationships and day-to-day life. It reminded me again how as much as people will deny this, everyone has his/her own little quirks and that we should learn to be compassionate towards others. Any mental illness feels very real to the person suffering and should be taken with seriousness.
I hope in my relationships with others that they will not judge me for my mental health issues or stigmatize me, but learn to have compassion on me because of it.
One of the big things that I have been working on with them is the 2009 Prism Awards, their award show that awards various film features and television shows for their accurate portrayal of mental health, substance abuse, and treatment.
I watched part of last year's when I was in their office yesterday, and suffice it to say, it was very difficult for me to watch. The hardest clip to watch was when Tony Soprano's son decides to commit suicide by wrapping a plastic bag around his head and throwing himself into the pool with a brick holding him down. In the end, he calls his dad for help and is sent to psych ward at a hospital. In dealing with my own depression, I definitely have had suicidal thoughts. It was frightening to see a suicide played out in front of me. I felt uncomfortable with it for so many different reasons. Thoughts like "I know what it's like to feel that way," and "Is this giving me any ideas," ran through my head. I think that was hardest to watch about the whole thing was how much I can identify with what was playing out.
Depression is more than just feeling down in the dumps. Depression can really turn into a lifestyle without anyone actually knowing it. It becomes a part of you, affects your perspective, and ultimately changes how you see the "truth." It's really an insidious disease, that probably goes unreported most of the time.
I think any addiction boils down to depression and anxiety. I was definitely sad to hear from someone who worked at last years Prism Awards, joke about a famous celebrity's wife that has a very severe case of OCD. He laughed about how she was unable to go to the bathroom on a twelve hour flight on the airplane. While he laughed and I can totally see how it can be comical, all I could think about was how that totally interfered with her relationships and day-to-day life. It reminded me again how as much as people will deny this, everyone has his/her own little quirks and that we should learn to be compassionate towards others. Any mental illness feels very real to the person suffering and should be taken with seriousness.
I hope in my relationships with others that they will not judge me for my mental health issues or stigmatize me, but learn to have compassion on me because of it.
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